I have put so much of my heart and soul into this relationship and marriage. I'm so sad I allow myself to become so emotionally bankrupt. I can't believe this is happening to me. My relationship is over. My husband simply does not have the tools to bring us back. We almost went over the brink in January, but he decided that he needed to make some changes and accepted some responsibility. But now he has decided he no longer wants this.

We both stood to gain so much from his commitment to better himself and our lives together, but things spiral out of control so fast and he can't regain control. He will not go to counseling, so I accepted a minimal commitment; this is why I feel so emotionally bankrupt. I truly put too much into my love for my family. I'm now left with my heartI have a husband (married 4 1/2 years) whose bio daughter came to live with us shortly after her mother died and coincidentally shortly after we got married. My now adopted daughter's mother died suddenly in a car accident.

I have known my husband for 11+ years. When my daughter came to live with us, it was a natural thing seeing as though we had her all the time anyway. She just moved in permanently, a blessing that we lived in great school district etc.

Of the years we have been married, my husband has been a couch potao. We never do anything as a family. I do it all. I'm not just saying that either. Everyone knows this, not just me. He has absolutely no motivation until about 6 months ago when I gave him one last chance. This was the first time I spelled it out in writing what I value in a relationship, what my expectations were and if he chose not to make these changes, I was ready to leave.

There are also some past indiscretions (not actually cheating) that I also found out about, and he would have been left holding the bag on a child he does not know how to care for (because he can barely take care of himself), a house he won't even mow the lawn, etc. I'm sure you get the drift.

I'm sure he felt some obligation to at least look like he has been trying to hold this relationship together, at least in the eyes of his family.

In a nutshell, I believe he is depressed, and going through a mid life crisis. Whatever the problem is, he can't see his way out. I don't know how to help him, except to explain how I have managed my situations. I don't think it's possible for me to continue in a relationship that basically has no romance, no future happiness together... I'm so sorry.

I have one other thing to say about what the possibilities are. I think it is his mother and maybe his sister. His mother is very controlling. Maybe I am too, I don't know. I just think that if he was able to stand up to his family a bit better, he may not have found himself in a situation where I no longer want to go visit them anymore.

He cannot bring himself to tell them that if they were not so obnoxious, we may WANT to spend more time with them. Instead they just seem to get worse, because they know he will back down. I have to think of my daughter and get her safe and happy again. We both are having a hard time knowing dad cannot get himself together, not has any desire to. He will not seek counseling to gain more control of his life.

I have no choice but to see that there is no love there for me. There is no understanding of what this will do to his daughter. I don't think this something where he will just pick up some new girlfriend although I could be wrong. I know that if he does not love me or appreciate our lives together, he does not have the capabilities to love anyone. I know I'll make it. I've been through this before. I just hate it. broken into tiny pieces. :(

But he is talking to these women.(web cam women) It is not like he is just watching like porn. He is telling them what to do, so he will get turned on. He's dirty talking to them and getting turned on by them talking to him too.
It is to the point where he only wants to do it with me a couple times a week and the web cam stuff everyday.
I know i don't have the physical endowment that he likes. And they all do.
I just want him to stop the web cam stuff because he is having conversations with them and telling them what he wants to see. I don't care about porn anymore, I just want the web cam stuff to stop.

hello all, here's my story..

Hi everyone.

I joined this group to get advice.

I am a 20 year old woman...and
I have many friends that are gay males. I have not
become attracted to any of them until recently.
I have become extremely attached to Jon, and he has
become attached to me. The bottom line is :yes, I know
he is gay and his orientation cannot be changed...yet
his teasing does not help!
Jon is very touchy and flirty and loving, and even
sleeps in the same bed with me. He is a very good
looking guy.
He jokes that he wishes to marry me, have a child with
me,make out with me! We spend almost all our free
time together. I can talk to him about anything, vice
versa, and it's so easy to say "I love you" to each
other.
Even when Jon does date one of his "flings", he always
spends more time with me and admits later on that his
fling was a mistake and that I am always right.
Often he has told me " I wish you were a man".

I would like to know your opinions on this.
Should I "back off"?
Right now it's summer and Jon is elsewhere and I will
not be seeing him until august. I have time to think.
Can Jon really be confused, or is gay simply gay and
he is 100% "pro male" and not considering me an option
at all, even for experiment's sake?
Is this something I should talk about with him?
If I admitted my feelings to him, would it make things
worse?

This is a misconception that many have about domestic violence. Actually the
women often push buttons, to get the man to act out violently because they
know that the man's tension, and rage escellate, (increase), until he
explodes. So if the woman *pushes buttons*, she may be able to get him to
explode when he may *just* yell at her, or hit her once, or slam her into the
wall. If she waits until his rage increases to it's full extent she may end
up in the hospital with broken bones, or even dead. It is a survival instinct
in abused women, they know when the rage is increasing and know inside of
themselves that the only way they can keep it from becoming life threatening
is to *push buttons*. It is not a way of *getting attention*. Getting slammed
is not a nice way to get attention.

Often abusers will become the most dangerous when the woman attempts to
leave, so the woman stays, knowing that if she attempts to leave she may die.
Women do die. If a woman needs to leave she needs to make arrangements
beforehand with a woman's shelter, and make safety plans. Many woman are
lucky to escape with the clothes on their backs.

Learn a lesson here: if you don't take the time to listen to someone, you never really know what's behind their life. This goes back to the age-old saying "Don't judge a book by its cover." I was ridiculed to no end in school myself. I believed that I was ugly and contemplated suicide many times. You think egging someone's house is a big problem? My best friend is so depressed over her life that she slices her wrists to her elbows and has to go to therapy three times a week and is hospitalized often. There have been not one, not two, but THREE people murdered in my family. My brother was picked on when he was in kindergarten by sixth graders because he had a speech impediment. Everyone has their problems to share, and it is problems that go unresolved that lead to a build-up of anger. I know when I have kids that I will always listen to them and find out how they are feeling, and if they feel loved they will tell me. But if you don't offer your support and love to someone in need of it, you fail to crack the code of their suffering. And ultimately, you lose out in the end because you wish you had taken the time to know your child more and help them out, but who knows? By then it may be too late.